Life comes full circle.....

......What? What does that even mean? I don't know, kind of an idea that has been floating around my brain for the past few hours. Might be why it's almost Six O'Clock in the morning and I haven't slept a wink yet. For some weird reason it feels like I've been put in this situation, strange enough as it may seem, to re-do or have a; "do over," as I used to put it as I was little, at life. When I look back on how things have gone for me over the past few years, I'm struck by how much I have let LIFE dictate ME. Rather than the other way around, which is odd for me, because I'm the type of person who likes things done a certain way usually. Maybe It has something to do with my upbringing, and maybe its a security defense mechanism that I somehow put into place without realizing it. Either way, I feel like everything comes to us in life as an experience, some good and others....well, not so good. But they turn out to be for our own good, if we allow them to. Well I have and I haven't. There are obviously some things in life that I haven't quite figured out yet, and maybe now is my time to face those things again head on with no thing or no one to bail to if it becomes miserable. Kinda like that mom who will not let her son or daughter get up from that piano until they have painstakingly battled through their A.D.D and practiced for those two hours. Sometimes the boy or girl develops a sense of resentment toward that parent, yet we all know what usually happens in the end; thats right, the child learns how to play, and enjoy playing, that thing which he had once despised. The child becomes a master at the thing in which, just years or sometimes even months previous, was no good at. I have been that child, I have fought and rebelled long enough. The piano that I was given was kinda crappy, and at times I have felt like others have stolen my music, or have written confusing notes that I purposely wouldn't understand.....but deep down inside I have always wanted to play. Maybe not having that parental unit there prodding me and forcing me to sit and play has given me a back door out of practicing? Or maybe I just didn't listen and ran away from them? Either way, the only person in charge now is me.

Wow, I don't know what I just said....I don't think Im even going to go back and read it out of fear that I might regret it and delete it. I felt it, its out and whatever. Ps. I miss you