Holiday Envy/Quite possibly the worst ever!

O.k so this is an attempt to blog about something I am very strangely opinionated on without talking about all the emotional stuff that's happening in my life at the present. With that being said; New Years is quite possibly the lamest holiday ever! I say that because it never ever fails to fall short of the hype year in and year out....and seriously the one year that I was going to party like it was 1999 I was on my mission and fast asleep!....Prince will never forgive me for that.... =( Now don't get me wrong I'm not saying that New Years isn't a great time to make goals and re-focus on ones life, its great for that, I'm just saying that it is suppose to be this larger than life celebration/party time and it NEVER is (for me anyway). It could be that I don't drink, never have never will, however, I've had some great times and been to some really fun parties where nobody was drinking at all, so I'm gonna disqualify that reason. I think New Years is just a classic American example of making something out to be SO much more than it really is that when the smart people get together and realize that it really is just another day we don't enjoy it as much. Or what about this for a crazy thought; New Years suffers from severe Holiday Envy Syndrome? Yeah you know, with Christmas being every one's favorite holiday and all, and after all it is just a week previous??? Poor New Years is just fighting for a little attention......so sad <----said in you saddest tone ever- yes you know you've got that voice.....anyway, it's just a good thing that New Years hasn't learned that its my birthday just 2 days before....that might put him over the edge to pure madness so lets try and keep that on the DL okay?! =)

A happy birth week to me!

So every year around this time it seems I find myself in an interesting situation. In years past; I have been found painting office space until 4am Christmas morning, (in CA.)getting x-rays in the hospital, collapsed and passed out (literally) on my sisters floor, and living in a remote desolate place in Mexico, just to name a few. This year has definatley had its share of uniqueness however, there is one thing that is strangely great and different about it....well maybe a couple of things. First: I have basically been celebrating my birthday since the 26th of dec. (birthday is on the 30th) The reason why this is unique and different is because I usually don't make a big deal of it and it kinda just gets meshed into Christmas. I have been cheating and opening birthday presents up before my birthday this year (but not on Christmas) and for some wierd reason, it feels like I'm making my birthday stand out a little bit more than normal which I kinda like. Second: its been a REALLY long time since I was given something for my birthday that I would say was the "perfect" gift, and I got it this year! It wasn't so much WHAT the gift was (in terms of flare and monetary value), as much as it was HOW it was given, and what it meant to me. I am a sucker for thoughtful gifts, even if they don't carry any monetary value- correction.....especially if the they don't. I don't know, it makes you feel loved, it makes you feel understood, validated, and genuinely thought of. It also made me realize how much I used to do things like that for others, but haven't for a while, and how I would like to do that again. Anyway, kind of a lame blog today but I just wanted to get some stuff down that I had on the brain. So happy birth week to me and all that good stuff!

The pusuit of happiness.......preached to empty seats.

You know, my blog is kinda funny. I really don't think I have anyone who reads it anymore, so when I write, I feel as though I'm in a play reciting my lines, yet nobody is in the audience. However, with that being said, here I am typing yet another blog for my silent audience. I Just got home from the new Will Smith movie; I Am Legend, it was good but the whole time my mind kept wondering. (you will laugh once you see the movie because it is seriously dark and jumpy -how could your mind wonder?) Yeah well, meet Christopher Walker Shane <--- thats me! Anyway, I kept thinking about the last movie I saw with Will Smith in it; The Pursuit Of Happiness.....a great feel good movie of a man who has the world at his fingertips, loses everything, then years later, is given a shot at greatness and he captures it! It has been a very introspective time for me in my life this year and I feel as though I just need the chance at greatness and I will capture it! I have prayed hard for a confirmation from the Lord that my life will be a success and I have received the answer that it will as long as I get back into school this coming year. I am registering for two classes at SLCC this spring, then transfer to the U or the Y in the fall and I will have my bachelors degree by Dec. of 2009. I will take a look at the coaching jobs available and consider my marital status and either take a job right away or start my masters program. Its exciting! It feels really good to me and I will do very well and enjoy my work. What doesn't feel so good is the loneliness of it all. I want so badly to share my adventures with someone special. I long for it, I really do. When I think of the Pursuit Of Happiness though, I also think of Will Smith doing it alone, because his wife left him. His will never changed, and the sculpted, polished person that was inside him never gave up hope. Wow, there is so much on my mind tonight! I can't say much more than my heart aches for something that has passed me by. I feel tremendously alone on one hand, yet, incredibly supported on the other. My faith in my Redeemer is strong, and I may need him more than every hour, but I really do feel that with his strength I can accomplish all things and capture greatness.
Oh and this song has been in my head all day for what its worth-

Truer words have never been uttered-

Yes indeed Im alone again
And here comes emptiness crashing in
Its either love or hate
I cant find in between
Cause Ive been with witches
And I have been with a queen

It wouldnt have worked out any way
So now its just another lonely day
Further along we just may
But for now its just another lonely day

Wish there was something
I could say or do
I can resist anything
But temptation from you
But Id rather walk alone
Than chase you around
Id rather fall myself
Than let you drag me down

It wouldnt have worked out any way
And now its just another lonely day
Further along we just may
But for now its just another lonely day

Yesterday seems like a life ago
Cause the one I love
Today I hardly know
You I held so close in my heart oh dear
Grow further from me
With every fallen tear

It wouldnt have worked out any way
So now its just another lonely day
Further along we just may
But for now its just another lonely day

Life is short.......The Shaner cheats death once more

So I had another near death experience driving home from work yesterday. Rex, my car, decided to catch a patch of black ice on the freeway and fishtale out of control at 65 mph! I haven't been so terrified in my whole life. If I hit the brakes I roll my car and die, if I lose control and hit the retaining wall on the inside of the freeway I probably bounce off and back into traffic and die. (it was almost rush hour so there were lots of cars heading home) My only prayer was to ride it out, adjusting the wheel back and forth hoping to bring Rex straight... I have seen accidents involving Crx's before and they are not good. No airbags, very lightweight, and low to the ground makes for a very dangerous situation at high speeds. Anyway, I'm glad I'm not dead, that would have really ruined my week. I do give myself an A on steering Rex for 400 meters without spinning out though. Moral? Life is short, I still must have a purpose around here, and hey things could always be worse.....you could be DEED!

Bowling or something like that....

Yeah so I just got back from sweat night, and I was answering a couple of emails etc.... then I started getting sad about some stuff and I decided that maybe I could write a blog about my bowling adventures last night to take my mind off of it (I bowled 6 strikes in a row! a personal record) but honestly I'm just too full of emotions to even fake it. The thing is' I've been more pleased with life in the past few months than any time I can remember, lots has been going well, and I feel so truly blessed in so many different aspects. At the same time, I struggle still with little things that are also mixed in the Shaner life- like my family drama, aka; my brother struggling, my Dad disappearing from existence, and my sister who was recently diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I also just became single again, which I am pretending doesn't hurt at all 5 days before Christmas and stuff. So anyway, despite my superficial attempt to brag about my bowling greatness, my real feelings have once again rendered me a cripple. Its a strange feeling to be so happy and pleased with life, yet be tremendously sad about parts of it. Pretty heavy stuff here I know, this is why blogging for me can be dangerous.

Oh well.......