"I don't wanna come undone...."

It's the start of week three in Phoenix, business has been really good luckily or I'd be going insane. I have had a lot of time on my hands to be at the pool and read of all things. I've also been playing my guitar a bit more too which has been kinda nice. The title of the blog actually is a new song Ive been working on, it reflects a lot of obvious emotions, but its mainly about keeping life from coming undone when you're faced with challenges. I am sure that life in Arizona will eventually be closer to normal, but for now it just feels like a big huge trail of my faith. It will be ok, I know this....I've always known this since life just finds a way of messing with me and then getting good again. I have been very grateful however for prayer, Sportscenter, and the NBA playoffs which have pretty much sustained me through the last couple lonely weeks.

why is doing what you feel like doing so tough?

Seriously, I have been dealing with this for a couple of days now and still can't get it right. I have always been the type of person that, if I feel strongly about something or feel prompted to do something, I do it. However, lately it seems like I am unable to do that. I wish I could explain my feelings but I don't think I can.....Lame blog, but lets just discuss thoughts.....a penny for your thoughts?

Land of the Sun/bugs???

So I am here, my new home, which feels nothing like home but whatever. I was welcomed into town by a brisk 97 degree heatwave sending my body into a super funk. I seriously thought I was ready for some summertime....but I forgot how nice it is to sort of ease into the whole summer thing....but to go from snowing to near 100 degree temps is just a bit nutty. Oh well, I'm still happy about the insta-tan I recieved today on the golf course and the option of laying out at the pool at 9 o'clock at night with the outside temperature chillin at 80 degrees or so. I'm tottally exhausted and have no Idea why I am writing on this silly blog, but I'm happy about my first day of sales today which was a success. I can already tell that I am going to have some quality stories from this silly little experience so I'll spare you the boring details but stay tuned. Now, its time for me to curl up on the little space reserved for me on the couch in the living room of my buddies house....the enemy has taken me prisoner =)

Life comes full circle.....

......What? What does that even mean? I don't know, kind of an idea that has been floating around my brain for the past few hours. Might be why it's almost Six O'Clock in the morning and I haven't slept a wink yet. For some weird reason it feels like I've been put in this situation, strange enough as it may seem, to re-do or have a; "do over," as I used to put it as I was little, at life. When I look back on how things have gone for me over the past few years, I'm struck by how much I have let LIFE dictate ME. Rather than the other way around, which is odd for me, because I'm the type of person who likes things done a certain way usually. Maybe It has something to do with my upbringing, and maybe its a security defense mechanism that I somehow put into place without realizing it. Either way, I feel like everything comes to us in life as an experience, some good and others....well, not so good. But they turn out to be for our own good, if we allow them to. Well I have and I haven't. There are obviously some things in life that I haven't quite figured out yet, and maybe now is my time to face those things again head on with no thing or no one to bail to if it becomes miserable. Kinda like that mom who will not let her son or daughter get up from that piano until they have painstakingly battled through their A.D.D and practiced for those two hours. Sometimes the boy or girl develops a sense of resentment toward that parent, yet we all know what usually happens in the end; thats right, the child learns how to play, and enjoy playing, that thing which he had once despised. The child becomes a master at the thing in which, just years or sometimes even months previous, was no good at. I have been that child, I have fought and rebelled long enough. The piano that I was given was kinda crappy, and at times I have felt like others have stolen my music, or have written confusing notes that I purposely wouldn't understand.....but deep down inside I have always wanted to play. Maybe not having that parental unit there prodding me and forcing me to sit and play has given me a back door out of practicing? Or maybe I just didn't listen and ran away from them? Either way, the only person in charge now is me.

Wow, I don't know what I just said....I don't think Im even going to go back and read it out of fear that I might regret it and delete it. I felt it, its out and whatever. Ps. I miss you

Life is Ironic

So, I get an email yesterday informing me that my dream job.....yes the one I applied for, interview with, and eventually didn't get.....Is now accepting applications again. I had pretty much made up my mind that I was off to Phoenix Arizona to sell pest control in a couple of weeks but with this popping up I may just stay. Crazy how things work though, I'm not going to get my hopes up, even though I am perfect in every way for this job, because I can't control what others decide to do. So with that said, I'm either off to Phoenix, or I'm a happy camper making good money designing, promoting and hosting running events(and if there is one thing I know in life its running). I'm not very good at life, but it always gives me a shot.....and I can respect that.

Is it really neglect?

So here I am unable to fall asleep.....whats new, icing my newly acquired injuries from basketball tonight, and generally just reflecting on life. Somehow in all that thinking, the thought crossed my mind: "I haven't blogged in a looooong time, I feel like I'm neglecting my readers." Then another thought came into my mind: "what readers?" lol seriously, I am not sure I have a viewership at all so I really feel no pressure to keep pumping out the hits.....yes I did just pat myself on the back about my Air Guitar post. =) what?! Either way, here I am typing up a little sumpin sumpin for those who might have felt neglected. So if you're out there, you are loved.